My husband's work is directly involved with the Fiscal Cliff, so there has been little upbeat conversation around our parts in weeks...
I know that the upcoming year will include testing for my youngest's hearing & speech - maybe even more fights (with insurance, but maybe school too if she can't read and pass the standardized tests - they'll MAKE her come back to school). I have not documented as much about our struggles with/ for her. She is "NT" - BUT she has some slight hearing loss - didn't pass her hearing test until she was 6 months old - they told me it was because her ear canals are so small and were full of vernix. So at 3, when I was concerned about speech, we went an Audiologist - who told me she had Auditory Processing Disorder, but that it couldn't be officially diagnosed until age 6 (just like all the ASD labels). She went to school for about a year to receive speech services, but we pulled her out just after we did my son (to homeschool) because of the big political fight we went through with/ for him. The speech therapist at the school told me her problem was an over sensitive gag reflex, it kept her from making guttural sounds. Sounded in line with all the sensory issues her brother has, so I didn't think twice about it. She has consonant sounds now IF she concentrates and slows down, but not in conversation. I continue to be VERY concerned about the vowel sounds - she clearly just does not hear them in isolation... We had an medical speech eval just this month (about to turn 3) so that it would be "evidence" for the audiologist that something is "not right". This therapist seems pretty outraged by the not clearing her ears earlier as well as by the idea that "gagging" is her problem. But this speech therapist is also moving in 3 weeks, so I don't know how it will play out. I did get to hear an audiologist speak to a local ASD parent group - and he was ADAMANT that only audiologists can diagnose Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), and that it CAN be done earlier than 6. I read a LONG book about it from the library. It was VERY detailed and I don't think I caught all of it. Guess I should read it again... I am just anxious about what could be more fighting with the insurance companies about what treatments are funded and so forth. I am VERY VERY concerned about her reading - and I am fearful that she will NOT pass the standardized testing this spring and the schools will put me on "probation" for a year. But worrying doesn't teach her...
I am thinking we need to look VERY hard into vision testing for my eldest's - we are seeing some clear patterns come up in his reluctance to read. He has read above grade level up to thus point - WELL above grade level. But I have always said that I think he is photographic memorizing all this/ these words. - like every word is a logo. There is plenty of brain-based-learning research that show that we all learn to read that way (that letter passed around the internet with just the first and last letters in place & the rest jumbled...) He was able to read 3rd grade level books (lines spaced out) out loud to me last year, but when we moved to the 4th & 5th grade level (lines close together) - he protested MIGHTILY. So with nearly a year of trying to up his reading - he is now loudly protesting that he cannot read at all. I have talked to him a couple times about it, but since I can't get him to an eye doc I haven't really pushed him about it. I was not entirely sure that he could get his face in that binocular think that he'd need to look into. He did say yes when I asked him if the letters "move around on the page" - I have heard that description in other ASD resources. I know that I personally have the problem that my eyes are not "level" in my head and I see "ghost" images of letters when my eyes get tired. Maybe we need to look into reading glasses or vision therapy? I don't even know what vision therapy involves, but I am betting it is not covered by insurance...
That kid also had a speech eval recently. The speech therapist was concerned that he was getting nodes on his vocal chords from the way he was screaming. Her assessment is that I need to get him to an ENT to visually check his vocal chords, that the way he talks is "odd" and stresses his vocal chords, but speech therapy would be no use right now because the sensory stuff is so off he can't hear himself making the noises. She agreed that maybe voice lessons (singing or acting) could help him when he gets older...
I am anxious about what all this means financially and emotionally, for all of us... I am aware that part of the reason he struggled in school was because I was deeply entrenched in a political fight and that stress affected him. I get nauseous just thinking about the potential arguing... and I NEED to not borrow trouble!
I am particularly worried about the continuing fallout of the bullying that happened at school. Here is a post from Facebook yesterday:
Just to be sure I document this... we had a VERY sad exchange with JT this past week...
We were tickle "fighting" when his sister got frustrated at him and shoved him. I reminded her that words are the most powerful resource we have and she needs to communicate with her words, not her body. (she is supposedly NT)
JT immediately and loudly burst into tears and screamed, "that is not true!!! I asked them to stop and they didn't!!!" I asked him if he was referring to school, and he said yes. I tried to explain that I thought the adults at school were NOT good listeners and were NOT doing their job of helping children be nice to one another. he then cried that he was a bad person for saying mean things back to the kids that were mean to him (which we did tell him last year, and IS true - even if his behavior was understandable). He agreed to "write letters of apology" for me to take to the school since I am not sure they will let him visit...
I think that even when we KNOW, we underestimate how much bullying affects a child... It has been over 1 year since we removed him from school...
I feel like I should contact the school leadership and let them know what they have wrought! But I am also very afraid to ever go there again. And I do not believe in my heart that it will make a difference for the children who are still there... Sadly I think we will just be swept under the rug, again. I would LOVE to offer my son closure on this - to let him go back to school n person and offer those apologies, but I do NOT think they will let him. Or they will try to use it to force him to come back...
This year should also see some changing politics at my work. There is a large potential leadership change or shift coming in this year. I just feel like there are lots of loose ends, lots of unattached powers, waiting to anchor themselves. I am anxious about how the politics above me will affect me, but also about whether I will be able to navigate the political winds effectively... I have a habit if struggling with that. I am wondering If I will "grow" professionally, and if I should be growing professionally... the whole stay-at-home-mother, home-schooling, can-i-get-enough-therapy guilt is undermining what my heart feels to be a "correct" direction for me to move in. I think that being a better experiential educator will enable me to be a better mother and teacher for my kids too...
I am also a little disappointed in myself. I want to "grow"/ strengthen my intuitive gifts. I feel like I received a... message? reprimand?... about faith and doubt. I am trying to sort through my head Truths I had thought resolved when I was a teen. I guess that it would be time to revisit them if it's been that long... I am able to legitimate when my son seems to manifest a "psychic moment" but I am just not sure I can do it for myself. I have to say the Dec 21st thing has thrown me a curve. My ASD kiddo had a weeping lesion on his face for 10 days prior (the whole mall visit thing) - and it resolved itself on the 21st... One psychic I follow said she felt an up-welling of good energy that day. I didn't...
But the whole point of the Mayan Calendar is that the world started over, that we have reached a New Age of.... something.
I am hoping that the new year is a new phase, a new place to be awesome, a new way of being for us, a BETTER way of being. Unfortunately I am not sure what that looks like. I am not "building the vision" in my head... I am trying to just be open to what manifests.
So here's to a GREAT manifestation!!!! or seven... ;)
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