Reflections of and on a probably Asperger's parent parenting an Asperger's kid (or 2)!

dragon pups

dragon pups

Monday, July 1, 2013

Just up loading...

ok - so this is really a stream of consciousness post... my head is BUSY ...

So i have been trying to meditate more.  trying to find a little time very day to sit still, listen to nature or just "be" in my body -and I am finding it harder than i thought I would...

Cuz I THINK too much! I get still, and then my head starts building words, and words become sentences, and then sentences become monologues... there are just whole dialogues going thru my head.  And then it gets to where there are like 3 conversations happening at once in my head...  and then I can't tell who is answering who..

Then this big "mommy" voice comes on and tells them all to be quiet  - but the silence leads to more words, and the cycle starts again.

So the I kinda give up and embrace the words - "let's just pray" i think - and then this will be time spent constructively... so I pray and then my head finds more words, and then I think, "How can i be listening if I am doing all the talking?"

So then i try to sit still, and then I start hearing answers, more words... and then i start to think, "who is this?"

and the argument starts up again.

I am thinking that I am doing this meditation thing ALL wrong!!

I am thinking that I need to start using something like knitting or music or something like that to get my ADHD under control, to keep the busy part of my head busy while I REALLY think/ listen.  I do it while I drive ALL the time - i have to blare the radio to drown out my own thoughts so I can pay attention to the road.

And I have pretty much come to the conclusion that I am my own kind of just plain crazy...

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