Reflections of and on a probably Asperger's parent parenting an Asperger's kid (or 2)!

dragon pups

dragon pups

Monday, April 16, 2012


So I keep alluding to ESP events with my child on the Spectrum.  Let me relate to you the events that we have witnessed.  For the record - I often talk openly about these events, and it is eerie how many parents of kids On The Spectrum will acknowledge that they experience similar things but don;t want to talk about it.  My goal is NOT to prove that my child, or any autistic child, or all autistic children are "psychic" or what ever you choose to call it (Indigo Children, Crystal Children), my goal is ONLY to add to the body of information available, to seek definition in comparison.  Ultimately, if my child has a "gift", I want to be able to equip him to know and control it, not let it control him.

Mine is verbal, was early. I talk incessantly, so I was not surprised.  One of the awesome things to me was watching/ documenting that language development. i was teaching at a Montessori school at the time, and it was AMAZING how he directly reflected the model of language development that she had in the 1800's.  There is more there to discuss, but later.... So one of the amazing things was watching him connect with me. We did use sign as well as spoken language, so we were effective with that first.  When he learned a new word (or wanted to), he would start with a word we both knew, and then try to "lead" me to the new word/ idea.  I could orally track him returning to the common/ shared word and then the exact same series of sounds repeating it.  It was awesome, but I could NOT figure out what he wanted.  In just about every case, he would engage me orally, then 2 or 3 times track through this "shared word" routine, and then an image of what he wanted/ was talking about would flash in my head.  I would "label" - say the word for - the image that flashed, and he would actually respond in the affirmative (nod, excitement, go get it, something).  I kinda figured that I was his Mom, we were close, so this must be "normal".

Later, a sister came (he was 2 years).  Girls need their hair combed, no hair cuts.  From the time she was 6 months old, something odd started happening after showers.  He would go down stairs, and I would put the baby in my lap upstairs.  As soon as my hand touched the brush or comb, he would come running up the stairs, yelling at the top of his lungs, "DON'T COMB MY HAIR!!"  After about a month and 1/2, he started screaming "DON'T COMB HER HAIR!", again, running from where ever he was in the house.  he did NOT have any verbal cues from me that I was going to do her hair.  And we tested it, and saw that he would only come running after I picked up the brush, and only for her (we were able to comb our own hair without protest from him).  It did stop after a couple months.

There were 3 other VERY specific events that demonstrated his skills.  While I am not sure exactly how old he was, I do know they were like a year apart and he was less than 6 years old.

First was with a babysitter, (so he would have been about 3 1/2?) and on a particular day he protested going.  Protesting in and of itself was not unsusual, but this particular day he told me he could not go because there had been an accident.  I downplayed it, told him he had to go anyway, yada, yada.  While I do not remember the details of the accident he described to me, he was ADAMANT, and VERY EMOTIONAL about it, in tears, described a story. I remember thinking that the story was detailed, and that he repeated the EXACT same story 3 times, without elaboration or deletion each time (which is unusual itself).  I wrestled clothes onto him, got him in the car, and got him to the sitters.  As we enter the sitter's house he is now engaged in the fourth emotional recounting of this "accident", this "story" about why he cannot be there, and as soon as we stepped in the door her mouth dropped open as she looked at him on horror/ surprise.  What?  "He's right! That accident DID happen!  My husband saw it on the way home last night from work. he was right behind that accident on the road!"  No, the husband did NOT get home to her house before we had left the evening before.

Then one day we met a family, friends we vaguely knew, but who were "kindred spirits", at the park.   Their kids were older, but played with my kids at the park til nightfall.  Then we all decided to go out for pizza.  Here's where it gets personal.  I was talking about how I took anti-depressants after each pregnancy - I had some serious depression before the pregnancies and was concerned for postpartum.  The funny thing about admitting to those kinds of medications is that you always feel like you HAVE to validate yourself, kinda prove that you are not just a nut-case.  I was trying to be open about my depression, maybe be a good example to others.  The mother of the other family told me she had taken meds too, did not elaborate. Til later... after eating, we went to the parking lot.  her older kids had taken mine to my car to strap in, they were easily 75 to 100 feet from us, and when they were out of ear shot she told me why she took meds.  She had been a victim of violent sexual crime, a known intruder in her home, specifically cornering her in a doorway.  I was taken aback, tried to offer understanding, but I can only imagine.  We shortly parted ways for the evening, and her kids walked back to her car ass soon as I arrived at mine.  I got in my car, and as soon as the door shut, my son said, "Why did Miss __________ see a monster in her door?"  I am telling you, neither she nor I used the word monster orally.

About a year later, we were sitting in traffic. They had the road down to 1 lane, around a hill near our town. We were like 15 cars back from where they were working, and all we could see was big machines doing "stuff".  I saw a truck of hay, and a thing that looked like a combine, and a cherry picker truck, and construction trucks, couldn't see the other flagman (around the hill).  I wondered aloud, "What are they doing with all that hay?  It looks like they are shooting the hill."  After about a minute, my son says. "they are trying to help the grass grow.  The hay covers the grass.  And the last car is green."  Just after that the last car passed the flagman, coming towards us, it was about to be our turn, but they let a green car out of a driveway in the middle first.  As we drove by the construction site, sure enough, they had put in a new power line pole and they were shooting hay onto the hillside to cover the grass seed under the pole.

There are other, less extraordinary events - like when he reads my mind about what I think I might make for supper - especially if I am driving (focused elsewhere) and the back of my head is listing options, and then he'll just volunteer that he is hungry for X_____ - and it will have been one of the things I was thinking of.  Often if my husband & I exchange a written note to try to keep from saying a thing out loud (like "movies" or "ice cream" or "Angry Birds") he will ask us about exactly that topic within 2 minutes of the written exchange.  And he's done that about food to my mom (his grandmother) as well.

There are those that argue that ALL children are more "psychic" because they are closer to their beginning. There are those that argue that "autism" is caused by or strongly associated with "psychic" abilities.  I am arguing neither. I am just reporting what WE see, and trying to find a way to equip my kids to deal with the cards they carry...  I know I "hear" (really "see" images) from my dog, and sometimes other animals.  My daughter CERTAINLY hears our dog (like talks back to him).  I just want this aspect of our "weird" to be "livable" too.

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