Never forget...

I was standing in front of a classroom on the top floor (3rd) of a Catholic school 3 block from our nation's capitol - we could see the dome through our hall windows.  It was an 8th grade history class, and about 17 kids were listening to me tell stories about the American revolution era.  Then the intercom asked for a student...  shortly another...  Within about 5 minutes, 5 or 6 students were called out of the classroom.  I had no idea why...  We were on an altered schedule that day anyhow because there were guest speakers...

The guest speakers came in  my room, and a coworker took me into the hallway.  I asked what was happening, and he told me about the attack on the towers...

From there the time table is iffy in my head, but the thoughts were not.

I know I teared up immediately, I think my coworker held me.  I knew this was a systematic attack on all the cities across the US, and the day would only get worse.  I knew that my brother, a navy pilot, would be activated immediately and have to deal not only with that day but with the military action sure to follow.  I grieved for him and his wife.  I knew that the terror attacks would lead to anarchy - and that my father, a policeman in L.A. - had already guarded lives through the Watts riots and the Rodney King riots - and he would do every thing he could to protect people through what ever anarchy ensued.  My head tried to think what the most likely targets would be - Hollywood?  Disneyland?  Would they opt for maximum loss of lives or what was most culturally iconic?  My parents lived less than 3 miles from Disneyland, and my mother is a teacher too.  What would the day be like for them, waiting for the attack all day?

And my husband!.... he worked in DC, in the Northwest big business area - on the opposite side of the city from my school.  The Pentagon had already been attacked when I was informed of what was going on.  Clearly the capitol was next.  We lived on the Virginia side of the city, surely he had gotten out... He was in a place where he could walk if he had to, but surely they were evacuating the city...

And I gave myself up for dead.  Surely they were smart enough to aim for the capitol.  While there woudln't be the same drastic collapse, there would still be massive destruction. I would need to protect my students, but schools are magnets incommunities for field hospitals.  We were literally across from a park, so the community would come to us. And we would need to go to them too. 

But I still had a classroom of students waiting for me, and while I was told by my coworker that the school leadership had decided not to tell them what had happened, the schedule for the day was clearly suspended, the parents were trying to get their kids out, but not all the parents would be able to show up...  I was the one deemed capable of staying with them...

There were only 4 teachers on our team, one had a husband at the Pentagon, she needed to leave, one was the man who came to tell me the news, he needed to go tell other teachers, and the other was the old teacher I shared a classroom with - her calm presence was needed at the front door of the school with frantic parents.  Naturally, I returned to the kids.

When I walked in, the kids knew something was wrong - after all even more students had been pulled out.  I couldn't tell them, but I couldn't lie to them either.  So I told them the truth.  I told them something very awful had happened, and that I could not share details. I told them we, at the school, would do everything in our power to keep them safe.  I told them all we could do was wait.

I know that I was given 2 classes at some point (7th & 8th) - there weren't many of them at that point.  Parents were picking them up as fast as they were able - but there were some that we knew had parents that worked out of the city, who may not be able to come get their kids...

I know that I was relieved at some point to make my own phone calls/ check with family.  I called my husband's office - no answer.  I left a message that I was hopeful he was safe in our apartment and I'd be home when I could.  I got a hold of my mom - told her I was OK, but that I knew the capitol was next, and that I was committed to staying with my students - I couldn't get out of the city anyhow - since I would have had to go by the Pentagon.  I told her to tell everyone I loved them, and I'd call when I could to update.

I know other teachers must have checked in on me.  I know students kept going home.  At some point the decision was made that we had so few students left in the building that we would put all of them in the library.

And I told my students that they had to be brave, that even though they knew something awful had happened, the littles would just be frightened, and it was our job to be sure they felt as safe as we could make them.  I told them that it would be hard, but they needed to let those littles know they are loved.  We'd have to play with them even though we didn't want to play.  Most importantly, we just needed to be strong for them.

And they did it.  They gathered their gumption, went into that room with the littles, and took care of them.  It gave all of us who were left in the classrooms some respite.  The other teachers were surprised at them - but I knew had prepared them as best I was able, and I knew my kids were made of stern stuff.  I finally was able to get a break and go actually see the news...

It was nearly 3 pm before I saw the towers collapse, and the Pentagon destroyed.  We knew the 4th plane (the one that should have taken out the capitol) was downed in PA.  That was when I finally realized that we were probably not going to have to protect these students through the physical collapse of their community.

And then my husband showed up.

I was SO angry, and SO relieved.  I was reprimanded by another teacher for hugging him too enthusiastically in front of the students.  Of course we weren't sure if these students would ever see their families again...

I told my husband I had to stay.  All the teachers who had children had left.  We didn't have children...

There were also those who were very local to the school who stayed - mostly with adult children.  Any destruction of the school would have been of their homes as well, so they chose to stay.  They finally convinced me that I did not have to stay.  I did not want my older kids to feel abandoned, but we were down to just 2 of them by that point, and the the school knew the parents, teachers were committed to taking them home if they had to.

So around 5 pm, my husband & I decided that we would not be able to get out of the city to the west (towards the Pentagon), so we headed east and found our way to his parent's house in Maryland.  We spent 2 days there while things settled down.

Eventually, school started again.  My administration did a good job of being reflective, instating new policies about safety.  How could we have kept attendance better?  How could we have gotten students to parents better?  What could we do to protect our students (building) from a bomb attack?  What could we do to protect from a bio-hazard attack?  The reality, is not much, but the effort was made...

I will never forget the strength of my students.  Those very young people who were asked to be so very strong in the face of such a huge unknown.  I don't remember talking to them about it.  I do not remember getting feedback about my courses of actions.

I remember survivor's guilt.  Clearly, if I had been through so much, had such a close call - I lived for a reason.  I vowed to teach American History with renewed vigor, committing myself to America's greatness - to our diversity, the Spirit of the Law, our volunteerism.  I vowed to live every day celebrating my freedoms.  I would see dark days in the years ahead, but I knew at that point, finally, that I was a Teacher - meant to love children and show them my passion for history and people.

For 2 years I wore a black ribbon every day.

Eventually, life goes on.  The rhetoric of 9/11 was all about not wallowing in the horror or misery - because that would be a win for the terrorists.  I continued to teach, and to love my students, and learned the life lessons God had laid for me...

I LIVE every day to the fullest extent I can.  And I commit myself to a life of public service through teaching, and Scouting, and giving rides to AT hikers, and helping my children share the gifts God gave them...  And sharing the gifts God gave me...